OK, most women like compliments. When someone else points out that we have it together, it feels good. There’s no harm in that. Some women, however, live their lives entirely consumed by their beauty. They seek little more in life because they believe beauty is the ticket to bliss. The obvious implication of this obsession with looks is that these women tend to puff themselves up unnecessarily and are destined to be deflated by someone who’s had enough of the madness; but, the subtler ramification is that the women severely devalue their own potential. In doing so, they rob themselves of meaningful relationships and experiences.

Looks Do Matter…

I was raised to strive for excellence in every aspect of my life. My mother was raised in the era where ladies still wore dresses, fine perfume and pearls. She raised me to carry myself like a lady at all times. So, I never believed that looks were inconsequential. But, she also taught me that once anyone of worth meets the outer me, they will always look deeper. If they found that nothing was there, they’d have no reason to make me a part of their lives. Plainly put, “pretty ain’t gonna do it.”

…But, Pretty Comes a Dime a Dozen.

I live in a cosmopolitan city where pretty is everywhere. In Atlanta, the streets seem to be covered with entertainers, groupies, video “vixens”, professional women, blue collar women, strippers, etc. On an ordinary day, men can’t tell one type from the other with a quick glance. Still, despite the fierce aesthetic competition, it seems that so many women here fail to realize that to get in the game and stay in the lead, you’ve got to have something ELSE to set you apart. Instead of becoming unique individuals, these women merely work even harder at being more of the same–the same handbag; same hair; same footwear; and, so on.

Where’s Your Purpose?

I’ve found that women who care about nothing more than looks lack a sense of purpose. They have no idea why God put them here (aside from sit there and look pretty), and are making no efforts to figure it out. They’re too busy shopping, clubbing, lounging, or chasing men to stop and consider their course. One day, they’ll look up and realize that they’re no longer that beautiful twenty-something girl they used to be. They’re 45 years-old, on the express train to the botox counter, praying that it will provide them some relief. Then, they’ll look over their shoulders, see that there are millions of women as young as they USED to be. Without purpose, what’s next? As young women, we often poke fun at the collagen laden, six and seven ex-husband having, would be cougars in the media. Instead of rushing to ridicule them, maybe we should consider what events brought those women to their current situation–where everyone raves about how beautiful they “were” but have little to say about the women they become.

Looking for Purpose in All the Wrong Places

While there are some women who fixated on looks because they want to look good for themselves, I think most women are because they believe looks are the solitary key meeting and keeping men. Wrong answer.

In talking to women, these are the most common misconceptions I see:

1. Men are not meal tickets- These are the women who will do whatever it takes to get someone else to buy them the biggest LV Speedy or let them drive the 760Li. They replace their own purpose with the quest for a man with mean green. So, instead of cultivating a career, they work on working the loot out of a man for trinkets. Often, they have no money of their own, but still have the nerve to expect to find a man with a Buffett portfolio. Sometimes, they’re “fortunate” enough to marry money; most times, they’re only lucky enough to sleep with it, and end up being left out in the cold more than once with little to show other than things they could have bought for themselves, had they actually done anything important with their lives.

2. Individual Success is Non-transferable- Some women figure that they can become important the moment they marry someone who is. The truth is, you can marry the most successful man in America and still carry yourself like a loser. Sure, successful men often surround themselves with beautiful women. So, it may be difficult to snag one if you’re the anti-sexy. BUT, successful men with a sense of self worth want for their women to have accomplished or pursued something on their own. They want a partner, not a dependent. I always cringe when the only thing a woman has to show for herself is whom she married. Don’t get me wrong–I think being a great wife and mother is a divine opportunity. But, before we can complete a successful unit like a marriage or a family, we have to make sure we’re functional and complete as individuals. A cute smile and killer abs is just not going to do, in the long run. Winners get trophies; trophies get shelved.

3. Pride and Vanity are Not One in the Same- We all know the myth of Narcissus. He fell in love with himself and perished as a result. That kind of vanity is quite different from being proud of who you are. Inner pride is stems from understanding much more about yourself than how you look in a bikini. It is the result of meaningful introspection–a pleasant look at the lessons you’ve learned; the friends you made; the lives you’ve changed; the growth you’ve accomplished. And, it includes liking what you see when you look in the mirror.

The Bible that a woman’s beauty does not come from the beautiful things with which she adorns herself; rather, it comes from her spirit. We are born with gifts and talents. If we’re fortunate enough to be packaged with great smiles, nice legs and smooth skin, those are just perks. Women who know don’t sell themselves short by pretending that they’re only a pretty face.

There will always be a woman for whom a hefty divorce settlement is considered a fair exchange for her soul. I’ve just resolved not to be one of those women. I look to work toward the future God has set before me. When I become a wife, I plan to work toward even more greatness alongside my husband. I don’t want for him to drag me along; I don’t want to chase after him. When we make it to the finish line, both of us will be there, with fists in the air with the assurances that come with hard work and dedication. But hey, that’s just me.