Women Who Know

I never understand the women that are so threatened by other women that it causes them to treat their men differently. You know, the women who hold their men SUPER TIGHT as soon as you walk by, or the ones who are always accusing him of looking at other women. They’re always on guard, watching his every move to make sure he does absolutely nothing to indicate that he even knows that other women EXIST.

Women who know remember that their significant others chose to be with them, and not the other women. Of course, this post isn’t all that applicable to women who date cheaters, because they’re insecure for more proximate reasons (in which case, they need to move on). I intend to address the women who have good, dedicated men but have so much baggage that they want to make their men feel like scumbags.

A Few Examples:

1) Boy and Girl go to dinner. Waitress comes to the table and takes the cocktail order from Boy. Boy asks a few questions. Waitress leaves. Girl asks, “Do you think she’s pretty? Were you flirting with her???”

2) Boy and Girl go to the beach. A troop of bikini-clad girls walk in front of the couple. Boy notices, and then averts his eyes to the sand. Too late. Girl exclaims, “Were you just looking at those girls?!?” It’s no longer a nice day at the beach.

3) Boy and Girl hang out with some of Girl’s beautiful friends. After they are alone, Girl asks, “Do you think Suzie’s pretty?” Then…she asks…”Do you think she’s prettier than me?” No matter his answer, she’s in a funk for the rest of the day.

4) Boy and Girl are watching TV. A beautiful actress graces the screen. Girl asks the same questions in #3. Again, Boy is doomed, no matter what he says.

5) This may be the worst one. Boy and Girl are flipping through old photos, and run across a picture of Boy’s ex. Maybe Boy and Girl are on a date and Boy’s ex walks by. In either case, Girl asks Boy whether he’s still attracted to his ex OR whether he thinks she’s as pretty as the ex. Again, Boy is doomed, no matter what he says.

If have a good man whom you love and want to be with, you’ve got to learn to resist the urge to operate based on past experiences with other men. Additionally, if your boyfriend has made mistakes in the past for which you have forgiven him, you can’t continue to punish him for his misdeeds. If he has corrected his behavior and the two of you have moved on, living in the past isn’t going to make things better. There’s no place for “payback” in a loving relationship. If you can’t trust him, or he’s not worthy of your trust, there’s no reason to be with him. If you want to be with him, you’d better find a way to respect and trust him.

Let’s face it, unless your man is suddenly gay, he’s not going to stop appreciating other beautiful women. Sure, he’d better not break his neck looking at other women when he’s with you, but if his eyes unconsciously find themselves on another woman for a second or two, what’s the harm? Do you honestly think that he doesn’t notice women when you’re not around? You should be proud that although you are not the only beautiful woman in the world, you’re the one he wants to be with. I guarantee you that you’ve looked at other men around him, but he either failed to notice or had the discretion to let it go. I know that my boyfriend knows that I’m looking at more than hurdles and clay lanes when we watch the male runners at the Beijing Games…David Oliver? Whew. And, I know that when the women run, he’s noticing more than start times. Big deal. He loves me.

I’ve had friends tell me that they intend to be the wife who tags along with her husband everywhere he goes because you can’t trust other women. My question is, what about HER life? I doubt very seriously that our divine purpose as women consists entirely of policing men and the women who find them attractive. Men have free will; so do the women who want them. So long as that is the case, you can never, EVER, truly control what he does. When you try, you make yourself miserable and push him away in the process. Who wants to be around someone who treats them like a criminal under surveillance? Men aren’t as stupid as we sometimes pretend they are. They know when they’re being closely scrutinized. Those who aren’t cheating may find a reason to once they realize how little you trust them. Those who are just get better at deception.

Women who know, believe if you can’t trust him, you leave him. If you dislike yourself so much that you can’t believe that men can be faithful to you, go seek help before bringing someone into your life for “happiness.” Nobody can give you self-esteem; no one is capable of taking it away. You give it away. And, every time you give your weakness control over your behavior, you show this man that you are incapable of truly loving him. So, you are slowly ruining what you claim to be preserving. Even if he NEVER leaves you, you’ll never have his heart–just the shell he presents to you. The two of you will be miserable, together. What kind of life is that?