Women Who Know

Apologizing has never, ever been my strongsuit.  Over time, though, I’ve realized that I had to do better.

A little while ago, I ran into an ex-boyfriend.  We’d broken up almost a decade ago and it was all my fault.  I was young and I didn’t understand the value of candor in communication.  So, when I found that I’d outgrown our relationships (as is often the case in college), I didn’t tell him–I just started screening calls.  The truth is, this guy was an absolute gem.  He treated me with love, honor and respect.  He always made me feel special.  He just wasn’t the guy for me.  Anyway, when I ran into him a little while ago, I pulled him aside and apologized for hurting him.  I told him I was wrong for treating him as though he didn’t deserve the respect of an explanation.

When I began my apology, I thought he was going to turn and walk away.  Fortunately, he didn’t.  And, because he stayed to listen, we were able to let bygones be bygones.  I don’t carry that guilt around with me; he doesn’t carry that anger.  Both of us had already moved on with our lives, and I’m glad that there was still room in our hearts for forgiveness.  He can be a better man for the women in his life, and I can be a better woman, knowing that I had confronted one of my mistakes face-to-face.

I guess the point is that none of that would have happened if I hadn’t learned to say, “I’m sorry.”  I’m not talking about the kind of apologies that you give when you’ve done something impulsive that you instantly regret.  I mean, the kind of apologies you give when you have to admit that you deliberately chose a course of action that you knew would hurt someone because it was more convenient for you.  I’m talking about the kinds of apologies that make you ashamed for the instant before you feel redeemed.